Realignment

I was thinking to myself how I didn't want to go to beatings, but after the binge of the Thanksgiving week I needed all sorts of activity to assist in the weight loss I dearly needed. It turns out I wasn't the only one. A moderate turn out, but the story amongst the adults was consistent. It must be great to still be younger.

After reading "Zen and the Martial Arts" I got an insight into my behavior several weeks ago. Joe Hyams said that when he got hit during practice he would be immediately angry. After evaluation with his Sensei at the time he realized that he was not separating action from intent. I realized that my perception of interactions with Nut are me interpreting his behavior as taking advantage of me somehow. With that firmly in mind I braced myself as I entered class. I also realized this was the same feeling engendered when I originally met Beard in class. So I tell myself I'm a better man now.

What I forgot is that insight doesn't necessarily mean all better all at once - dammit. So Nut is there and I do feel completely different about him. It was as though all the nursed ills had sloughed off. Nut and I did some randori to warm up and I felt nothing! Well, I realize in his innocence a lot of what he attempts is pretty stupid, but that will disappear or he'll get good at it. But I was reborn. No perserverating eating up my concentration. What a relief.

Did I mention that nothing is fixed that quick? During the break we were talking and he punches me very hard in the shoulder so I snapped a kick at his crotch - stopping because I'm supposedly mature. I immediately evaluated what had happened. I was pissed because I was relaxed and not concerning myself about paying attention to attacks. No one to blame there, but me. Arggh.