Structure

I'm not even sure how to put tonight's thoughts into coherent, linear writing, but things were definitely percolating in my brain after the weekend.

I've mentioned that people have come and gone to our class over time, and because it's a small town you see these folks as you go through your regular living. So excuses of time and changes of schedule can be taken with a grain of salt if the class doesn't suit someone and they need to move on. I also know that Teacher's style might not "jive" with certain folks learning style and they might have to move in time as well.

So during the weekend I ran into Check who hasn't been to class for sometime. I had actually wondered if she moved because the Karate fairy dropped off a water weighted kicking dummy in front of my house several weeks ago. So we chatted and of course class came up. She basically was tired of second guessing Teacher and his methods. To me it sounded like the old quandary, do we blindly listen or do we question to learn more? Check is definitely the latter, while I'll try to straddle both schools. To add insult to injury she said that she ran into Vet and he pretty much couldn't take class because there wasn't any structure. I could sympathize with this because I've often thought that to be like a normal school or have more success in student retention that we'd have skills laid out and have static testing benchmarks. Obviously some folks really want that. I guess we should get rid of belts all together, but it's some tradition built in that keeps the chain of continuity together.

In the end I was kind of wounded for Teacher and myself. I felt like the only reason that I was staying in class was because quitting something is anathema to me. What a horrible reason to stay and what a horrible thing to think.

After a lot of soul-searching I realized that I enjoyed the class for a few simple reasons. It's great exercise and it allows me to develop insights into myself which in turn help me grow as a person. It could have structure, but it doesn't and that's just fine.

So we come to tonight and as I'm walking in I see Check following close behind. She told me during class that after talking about it the weekend she ended up being drawn back to the excitement like a moth to a flame. Hah! She mumbled here and there, but maintained a stalwart composure and didn't complain hardly at all.

Bloody Nose and Bruises

I missed a post last week and I'm not sure why, but I had a good time playing instructor with Cook. Most of the class was dedicated to simple instruction and some basic work on movement. It felt good to have some practicle knowledge and have the ability to impart it so that it's understood.

So tonight we got started on time (will miracles never cease) and immediately started on one-two drills. I've seen videos of this kind of thing and I guess it's very formalized in some Tang Soo Do schools, but not us. For the beginners it's a time to embrace the basics and for the more experienced students it's time to work on our speed, ingenuity, and accuracy. I was paired with Check for the first hour and that went well. I felt like we were really exploring our weak areas and fine tuning some older stuff that doesn't get worked on often.

After the break I got paired with Beard. As always his skills from Judo make him a fierce opponent and force me to concentrate on everything I've ever learned. So we started working on two part attacks which require the other person to respond with three different moves. At our level (hah!) we are expected to show a lot of imagination or, if not that, very good skill. Almost immediately Beard did a great attack where the leading fist drops after a punch attempt and the lower blocking hand circles up to do another strike it the absence of the first. I got the first two, but forgot they can keep coming. After a poor block I felt a light contact on my nose and didn't think anything about it until he broke off contact. I can't say that I've ever had a bloody nose from the top before but they bleed just like any other kind. What a mess. I ended up doing the rest of the class with a band aid on top of my nose and that made me think I had my glasses on.

Still paired with Beard, the rest of the night was pretty awesome. I would occasionally show some good skills, nothing great, but they always make me feel good. At the end of class, after I had taken some jarring blocks off his kicks he mentioned something that almost stopped me cold.

He said, "I think you need to stop saying I'm sorry when you make light contact. I think you need to start talking to yourself in a positive fashion - like, 'I'm going to make contact but it will be precise.' I think this is messing up your distance and ability to make decent contact."

He was right! Time for a mantra. I will punch and kick correctly and with the right force!

Kicks and Wrists

Arms of Steel was back in the class last night. It was nice to have someone else in class for the first hour. We started off working on Bassai and making AOS do it as well. Poor guy was sweating and spinning around trying to figure out what the next step was. I think I'll be ready for video in a week or two.

On to kicks. Spinning side kick and crescents were flying. Flying knee! This is totally new to me, so it took 20 times to get anywhere near what it was supposed to be like to be effective.

So the application was a crescent kick to move the hand or object out of the way (in my case a shot to the head; height and flexibility are on my side) then a side kick to knee or gut. The finish was knee to the face or falling back fist to the neck or back of head. If we chose the knee straightener then the opponent should still be upright prepped for knee to gut. So fun!

2nd hour. Wrist locks to throw. I've been doing this for years and it dawned upon me that I'm not doing it at all. I've been using muscle for every aspect that I am unable to do correctly. This is so upsetting! Now I've got partners that won't budge unless I do things exactly correct. What a blow to my ego.

- I have to be relaxed. If my muscles are tense then they tense.
- Turning into opponent. My lead foot must be placed like I'm prepping for a kick - heel as pointer.
- Keep elbow up. They will get you if you don't have that up.
- Fold that wrist! Straight fold is somewhat painful, but fold with twist is what puts people down.

I couldn't sleep because of wrist pain. Beard put the ouch on me. It was nice to see that he wasn't immune to using muscle when things didn't go correctly. Unfortunately, it was with me. His judo background seemed to have gone to hell at one point because throw that comes after the lock was super explosive. I hadn't hit hard in a long time. Thankfully my slap was timed well and took the sting out. After that happened I felt a great deal of simpatico towards him because his frustration was showing much as mine does. Heee.

Distance

Class was very small again last night. Just Arms of Steel and myself. I'm learning to appreciate it more as the night goes quickly and it's very intensive. After warming up we started with randori - the real one with multiple attackers; not much aikido though.

I'm limping this morning because I thought I was being clever. I grabbed Teacher from behind while AOS front kicked him. After Teacher blocked that he kicked my leg out from underneath me. He simply waited until I put most of my weight on that leg before administering the coup de grace. I should have choked him. Duh.

During our action-packed fist fest I found that I had a few chunks of flesh missing and had bled on Teacher on AOS for their troubles. Hah. I think AOS needs to clip those toe nails...

Lesson for the night: When I learn an advanced move (in this case someone grabs me from the rear and I clamp on their hand and slide to the rear bringing their arm into a figure 7 arm bar) with one person very well, that it becomes impossible with another. I have to work on my differences in height...

Realignment

I was thinking to myself how I didn't want to go to beatings, but after the binge of the Thanksgiving week I needed all sorts of activity to assist in the weight loss I dearly needed. It turns out I wasn't the only one. A moderate turn out, but the story amongst the adults was consistent. It must be great to still be younger.

After reading "Zen and the Martial Arts" I got an insight into my behavior several weeks ago. Joe Hyams said that when he got hit during practice he would be immediately angry. After evaluation with his Sensei at the time he realized that he was not separating action from intent. I realized that my perception of interactions with Nut are me interpreting his behavior as taking advantage of me somehow. With that firmly in mind I braced myself as I entered class. I also realized this was the same feeling engendered when I originally met Beard in class. So I tell myself I'm a better man now.

What I forgot is that insight doesn't necessarily mean all better all at once - dammit. So Nut is there and I do feel completely different about him. It was as though all the nursed ills had sloughed off. Nut and I did some randori to warm up and I felt nothing! Well, I realize in his innocence a lot of what he attempts is pretty stupid, but that will disappear or he'll get good at it. But I was reborn. No perserverating eating up my concentration. What a relief.

Did I mention that nothing is fixed that quick? During the break we were talking and he punches me very hard in the shoulder so I snapped a kick at his crotch - stopping because I'm supposedly mature. I immediately evaluated what had happened. I was pissed because I was relaxed and not concerning myself about paying attention to attacks. No one to blame there, but me. Arggh.

Icy Hot

My vision became a very small circle, all frosty around the edges and I felt somehow larger and taller. It was like someone turning the volume all the way all at once. I was one inch from snapping and lashing out.

Returning to class wasn't going very well. My heightened paranoia about my back and wheezing through the exercises didn't give me a lot of confidence in myself. We then paired up and I got partnered with Nut. I thought, "no problem," and there wasn't any initially. I took my previous ideas about how to contend with him and put them into play and they worked great. I started keeping strict count on exercises and made sure we switched out on the mark. I would initiate a switch as soon as he started trying variations on the exercise. It was working great. I'm just not sure what happened next. His playfulness often borders on excess, so I thought I would respond by pinching him (bad idea in retrospect)which just encouraged him to continue with horseplay. He turned his back to me and I grabbed him by his neck and although nothing really happened between us (playful sparring) I accelerated to kill immediately.

Only after the rush of adrenaline left me did I realize that I was close to losing control and lashing out in a uncontroled rage. It all happened within probably five seconds of time. It absolutely embarassed me and what's worse is that no one appeared to notice. Not even Nut!

So my question is what's going on? What is it that he does that sets me off? I've been noticing lately that my rage is searching for an outlet. I'm afraid that learning some MA has led to a dangerous part in my heart. To lash out unrestricted seems closer and closer. Should I talk to Teacher? I would be concerned that this admission would force him to adjust class somehow and that wouldn't be appropriate. Perhaps Teacher Slim. For all of his years in MA he keeps an enforced jovaility that really derails my ability to approach him about what I feel is such a serious problem. So much to concentrate on...